


inexplicable

by autisticlalna (mathonwys)



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Tales From The SMP - Fandom
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Karl Jacobs Needs a Hug, Karl Jacobs is an Interdimensional Being, Karl Jacobs-centric, Memory Loss, Not RPF, Shadow People AU, Time Travelling Karl Jacobs, all i ever know how to write is AUs. i'm sorry., it doesn't come up much but, specifically about the Inbetween, tales from the smp spoilers, this actually did get beta'd!, yeah i'm just as surprised as you are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:02:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29522667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mathonwys/pseuds/autisticlalna
Summary: Karl stared at a point he couldn’t see as he continued talking. “If I even remember,” he said, quiet. “My memory’s getting worse and worse the more I travel… but I can’t let anyone know.”He blinked, then sat back up. “Honk, I need you to do me a favour, OK?” Honk nodded. “Don’t let me forget. Sapnap, Quackity, Dream, L’Manberg, all of it— don’t let me forget. I need you to help me remember.”-Karl's never thought about summoning a shadow. with how chaotic things are on the Dream SMP, adding an evolving shadow copy of himself to the mix didn't sound like the best of ideas.he ends up doing it anyways, of course. it wouldn't be much of a story if he didn't.(written for the Shadow People AU by @mine-sara-sp on tumblr!)
Relationships: minor Karl Jacobs/Quackity/Sapnap
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76





	inexplicable

**Author's Note:**

> BOY HOWDY I HAVE NOT WRITTEN FOR THIS AU IN. AGES. this was originally a Hermitcraft AU, but it's since forked off into a couple other MCYT fandoms including Dream SMP!
> 
> the basic premise is that Mojang added a new mob type called Shadows that can be summoned at specific structures and drop duplicates of whatever was in their summoner's inventory at the time of summoning. they get smarter and more deadly each time they're killed, and they can become outright sapient, including being able to talk! they're also somewhat buggy and overall strange, and are susceptible to corruption-- either the game's code itself going wonky, or lore entities messing with them because of their connection to their summoners.  
> the Dream SMP doesn't know a whole lot about shadows compared to the Hermits, so Karl gets some stuff wrong and isn't the most reliable narrator. specifically, shadows aren't actually the players' "dark halves" or anything, but they do pick up traits from their summoners because of mimicking them. i thought it would be fun to include that misconception, though, bc it was v much a thing ppl thought when the AU started forming on tumblr :D
> 
> as always, shoutouts to SakuraPain / mine-sara-sp for creating such an awesome AU! and also shoutouts to WooshOfficial for kicking off the DSMP fork of the AU and naming Honk :3

“We are popping OFF!” Karl shouted. A chorus of cheering answered him, then fell apart into shouts of pain and yelling as Sapnap smacked George a bit too hard with the hilt of his sword. Karl’s grin was maybe a bit strained as he intervened, but the good mood was hard to extinguish.

“Come _on_!” Quackity shouted from further down the tunnel. Karl let go of the back of Sapnap’s shirt, and the other swiped at George without a moment’s hesitation. Karl wrote the situation off as beyond help. Ignoring George’s shrill cries for Sapnap to stop killing him, he hopped along down the path Quackity had taken as it led deeper into the darkness. “What’s taking you so long, Karl?”

Karl trailed a hand along the wall as he hurried along. “I’m coming!” he shouted. Behind him, Sapnap snorted. “What’s so important down here, anyway?” He’d passed by here a few times now, but hadn’t actually gone down into the caves; it’d never been anything he felt like doing, so he hadn’t considered it at all up until Sapnap and Quackity pushed him down the hole.

...And George. George was here too. George very much did not like being here, but like Karl he’d gotten swept up in the energy and gotten pulled along.

“Wait, you don’t know?” Karl glanced over his shoulder as he heard Sapnap’s question. It was dark enough that he had to strain to see in front of him, but the light from the entrance illuminated Sapnap’s outline like a soft halo. “Wow, you must really be out of the loop.” To Karl’s quiet annoyance, he didn’t elaborate past that; another scuffle broke out between him and George before he could, and Karl ignored the chat ping that was most likely George dying in favour of catching up to Quackity.

It clicked into place once the corridor opened up into an underground room lined with the same dark stone. Glowstone placed around the room lit up the previous impenetrable darkness, expertly positioned so that everyone’s shadows stretched out to the centre of the room. An armor stand was already in place as Karl neared the platform.

“Wait, this is a shadow temple.” Quackity nodded in response to Karl’s statement as he bounced in place. Lacking his enthusiasm, Karl squinted at the scene in front of him. “Why’re we popping off at the shadow temple?”

“Because you haven’t summoned a shadow!” Quackity hopped over and clapped Karl on the shoulder. Karl flinched at the surprise contact, but didn’t pull away. “Aren’t you curious?”

“...No?” Karl eyed the armor stand warily. This really didn’t have the greatest of vibes, if he was honest with himself. Really, this whole thing felt like some sort of cult initiation. Not that it was unusual on the SMP, now that he thought about it, but it was still kinda weird.

Something occurred to him, and he raised his eyebrows. “You haven’t summoned a shadow either, Big Q.”

Quackity stuttered. “Yeah? W- Well—“ He waved his hands about. “I’ll summon my shadow when I’m good and ready to! I’ve got a name picked out for it!”

“You make it sound like you’re having a kid,” Sapnap said with a roll of his eyes as he entered the room. George muttered under his breath as he followed close behind and adjusted his sunglasses after Sapnap had no doubt knocked them aside. “It’s not _that_ big a deal.”

“You _also_ haven’t summoned a shadow,” Karl pointed out. Why did he feel nervous about this? Something about being down here was giving him the creeps. Probably the memory of Fundy’s shadow— he’d only crossed paths with Kitsune a couple of times, but the shadow fox left a long-lasting impression. Without really thinking about it, he found himself looking out for a pair of yellow eyes watching them from the darkness in the corners. “What’s the deal?”

Sapnap shrugged and scratched the back of his head with the hand not holding his sword. “George has,” he said. “It’s not fair _George_ is the only one with a shadow. And Dream,” he added as an afterthought.

“Okay, okay.” Karl flapped his sleeves as he psyched himself up. There was no getting out of this, and he _was_ a bit curious what his shadow might be like. Not to mention… “I want to see your shadow after mine, Sapnap.” Not waiting for the other’s response, he booped the armor stand with one hand and hopped back. George shoved him as he bumped into him, and Karl responded by shoving him back; the shadow summoning was instantly forgotten as a fight broke out, with Quackity cheering Karl and Sapnap on (because of course Sapnap had to get involved).

A rough push from George sent Karl careening into something solid and cold. Karl spun around and came face-to-face with a jet black copy of himself. Their eyes met, Karl’s soft brown contrasting with the shadow’s glowing highlighter yellow, and then his shadow punched him square in the face.

“Watch out!” Quackity alerted him a moment too late. Karl fumbled for his sword, and his shadow copied the movement; netherite clanged against netherite, and a fairly unimpressive duel followed as Karl messily parried the shadow’s lunging jabs and wild swings. For once, he was dealing with an enemy that was on his own skill level: the shadow seemed to barely know how to hold a sword, let alone use it, but was still gaining the upper hand.

Sapnap sprung into action. Karl stumbled back as Sapnap jumped forward; his shadow didn’t even turn its head to look at the new element joining the fray as Sapnap slashed at it. The sword’s blade glittered in the light, razor-sharp, but passed through the shadow like he’d taken a swing at thin air. Another slice with the sword gained the same result, despite Sapnap having tested it on George a few minutes before.

“What are you _doing_?!” George shouted. Sapnap gave him a confused look; with Sapnap’s attention diverted, Karl’s shadow continued its lackluster assault on its summoner. “You can’t hurt it! Karl’s gotta do it!”

Karl hopped to the side to dodge an attack that’d gotten too close to comfort. His face still stung from the opening punch, the colours of his outfit were starting to bleed into the air around him, and the floppy sleeves of his signature hoodie were looking a bit worse for wear thanks to all the slashes in them; in sharp contrast, his shadow wasn’t sporting nearly as much damage. Maybe he _should’ve_ tried to get Sapnap to teach him how to fight better instead of just hiding behind him all the time. “Can you hold it still?!” he asked, voice pitched up from anxiety.

Sapnap and Quackity exchanged looks. Before either of them could follow through on Karl’s request, the shadow’s sword plunged through the center of the angular spiral on his hoodie. Karl grunted in pain and closed his eyes tight as he scrunched up his face, and when he opened them again a moment later he was greeted with the empty void of respawn.

_KarlJacobs was slain by their shadow_

Well, that hadn’t gone to plan. Karl rubbed at his face as he re-entered the physical plane; respawning was always a bit messy for him, “canon” death or not, but at least the pain was gone. There wasn’t that worryingly hollow feeling he’d felt after his first real death, either, which was good— he felt about the same as he’d felt when he’d gotten stabbed. The exact mechanics behind what did and didn’t count wasn’t something he could say made sense to him, but at least he hadn’t lost a life to a stupid mistake like that.

“You better have picked up my stuff!” he hollered as he booked it back to the shadow temple. Second time was the charm!

…Or the third…

After his third death to the hands of his shadow, Sapnap and Quackity were able to restrain his shadow enough for Karl to stab it without getting stabbed in return. It felt a bit like cheating, but the sight of his shadow bursting apart into a pile of duplicated items was welcome nonetheless.

George leaned over Karl’s shoulder as he sorted through the mess for anything actually valuable and chucked the rest in a corner to despawn. “You weren’t much help,” Karl muttered, good-natured despite his sore tone. George sputtered.

“What was _I_ supposed to do?!” he protested. Sapnap cuffed him on the back of the head, and another squabble broke out. Karl wiggled out of the danger range and came face-to-face with Quackity, who handed over the rest of Karl’s original inventory with a smile.

“Thanks, Big Q,” Karl said, heartfelt. A memory clicked back into place, and he twirled around on one heel to point dramatically at Sapnap. The bandana-wearing hunter looked up from where he was aggressively noogie-ing George and tilted his head like an inquisitive puppy.

“Okay, Sapnap,” Karl said with a beaming grin as if he hadn’t just gotten curbstomped three times in five minutes, “your turn.”

* * *

Karl needed someone in his corner. Sure, he had Sapnap and Quackity, and sometimes George if he was awake, but the climate on the SMP was getting more and more dire by the day if not the hour. And, despite his best efforts, he was fading into the background.

It was an impulsive decision. Who better to recruit to his side than his own shadow? Sure, it was still solidly in its stabby murderous phase, but no one would understand him better than a second him. Or… that’s how he thought it worked, anyway. He didn’t understand shadows very well, what with them being rather uncommon on the SMP between all the wars and interpersonal drama.

Despite that theory, though, it was rough going. Dream’s shadow turned out to be an exception rather than the rule— maybe the dark path Dream had ended stumbling down meant that Nightmare was balancing him out? His own shadow was a fierce fighter, as was apparently the case for most, and that only got more prominent the more times they dueled.

That didn’t stop him from trying to befriend it— him— anyway. Sure, most attempts ended in his death or his shadow’s, but Karl still believed it was worth a try. …Even if it was usually the former. Killing him was the only way to get him to stop trying to do the same to him, so far, but it wasn’t something he enjoyed doing.

The downside of this repetitive dance was that each time he killed his shadow, he got way, way better at fighting. The same very much did not apply to Karl. He’d struggled the first few times, but now his shadow had surpassed him in combat ability and the sight of _KarlJacobs was slain by their shadow_ was common to see in the chat. He knew he was running several risks with this— he had no idea when one of the kills would be “canon”, and it was only a matter of time before he wasn’t able to stop his shadow at all and it got let loose on the already volatile SMP.

Sapnap and Quackity were starting to get concerned, but he brushed it off. He didn’t want their help, this time. What was he going to go if Sapnap wasn’t there to be his knight in shining armor one day? No, he needed to be able to defend himself, and he liked to think that fighting his shadow was practice. That didn’t go so well either, but he at least liked to think that he was getting better at combat despite the evidence.

He’d get through to him some day. It’s not like he was doing anything else, anyway.

* * *

Karl tossed his sword aside, then pressed his palm to the armor stand. The darker-than-black shape rose up from the floor, then coalesced into his duplicate; pale glowing yellow eyes opened, and the shadow stared him down as he sighed. “Let’s try this again,” Karl said. “Honk, I need to tell you something.”

Honk lunged. Karl planted his feet and braced himself for impact— the previous attempts today hadn’t gone well, and it was looking like this one wouldn’t either. His shadow grabbed the front of his hoodie and lifted him up off the floor with startling strength. Karl kicked and struggled, but the shadow’s grip was strong and showed no sign of letting go. Solid yellow eyes observed him with curiosity; Honk tilted his head to the side, studying him, as Karl frayed around the edges into bright panicked colours as he tried to escape.

Just as suddenly as he grabbed him, he let go. Karl’s balance wavered as his feet landed on safe ground once again; the scattered colours bleeding off of him fell back into place as he steadied himself both mentally and physically. This was new. This was progress! He wasn’t dead yet, and that was a marked improvement.

“I need to talk to you,” Karl said. “Can we talk?” He tried not to sound too hopeful, but it bled into his words anyway. Honk’s brow furrowed and he pursed his lips in the slightest of contemplative frowns as he considered his question, and Karl’s spirits lifted for the first time since— 

Well, since what he was here to talk about.

“Can you understand me?” That was probably the first thing he should’ve asked. “I mean, I’m guessing you can, because you’re not trying to kill me anymore, but—“

“ **Karl.** ”

Anything else he was going to say died in his throat. That’d been his shadow— That’d been _Honk_ speaking.

Karl knew shadows could talk. He’d spoken to Kitsune, for one. It was freaky, but it was something that just sorta happened and you had to roll with it. If a shadow died enough times, they got smart enough to start saying words. Apparently Honk had now hit that magic number. ...And the first thing he’d said had been Karl’s name.

“That’s me,” Karl said with a nervous laugh. “Karl— Karl Jacobs.” He waved. “And… you’re Honk. You’re my shadow.”

Honk blinked, his expression neutral. “ **Karl,** ” he repeated. His voice was incredibly similar to Karl’s own, if not outright identical, but there was a strange quality to it that he couldn’t place. It was like a slight echo, minuscule enough to barely be heard. “ **Need to... talk?** ”

“Yeah.” Karl dropped down into an abrupt sit. Honk stayed where he was. “I can’t tell this to anyone, but— You’re my shadow. You’re like a part of me. So,” he looked up at him, “I can tell you, because it’s like telling myself. I think?” His logic sounded flimsy now that he put it into words, but it was the best he had.

As far as he understood, shadows were a reflection of their summoner— their bad parts, or their opposite, or traits extrapolated to their extremes. Nightmare was Dream’s opposite: soft, timid, and strongly opposed to violence. Kitsune was… complicated, but it made sense that mad coder Fundy, who constantly played with the fabric of reality, would summon a full-of-itself god. Eret’s shadow was the closest thing to a king shadows had. The other shadows Karl didn’t know super well, but it seemed to be a trend from what he _did_ know.

Point was, Honk was like… his dark side, or something. Karl wasn’t really sure, seeing as up until now Honk’s main personality trait had been “murderous”, but he considered it true anyhow. It’s not like had any evidence against it, and he was banking hard on that right now. This was a loophole he desperately needed.

After some deliberation, Honk squatted down in front of him. “ **Tell me?** ” he asked. His inflection was off, like he was parroting Karl’s words and tone rather than forming sentences on his own, but Karl would take what he could get.

Karl drew in a deep breath, rubbed at his face with his oversized hoodie sleeves, and met Honk’s eyes. “I can time travel,” he blurted out. “I just got back from the future. No one remembers us right, and everyone died, and _I_ died, and— and I can’t tell anyone, because they’ll think I’m crazy, or might try to use my power for their own ends.”

The words spilling out lifted the weight off of his chest. Finally— finally he could tell _someone_. The dark memories of Mizu had been hooked into him for days now, and both Sapnap and Quackity had noticed him grow uncharacteristically distant. But, here, where no one could hear him but himself and his own shadow, Karl was finally able to say the truth that he’d only said to his journals.

Karl launched into explaining everything he remembered: the underwater city, the people he’d traveled with, the person he’d met, everything he’d seen and done up until the sudden death had launched him back to present day. Honk listened.

“I must sound crazy,” Karl said once he’d reached the end. He was out of breath, and his smile was more than a little shaky. “Like I said, I can’t tell anyone… I can’t let anyone find the library, either. This is something I have to do on my own.”

“ **On your own,** ” Honk echoed in a soft voice. Karl nodded.

“I don’t think I can bring you with me,” Karl admitted. “It just… happens, and I don’t know why or how or if I have any control over it.” He leaned back until he was laying down on the temple floor. “But… maybe I’ll be able to fix things? Maybe I saw what happened in Mizu so I could try and preserve history, or… something.”

The world blurred around the edges as his eyes unfocused. Karl stared at a point he couldn’t see as he continued talking. “If I even remember,” he said, quiet. “My memory’s getting worse and worse the more I travel… but I can’t let anyone know.”

He blinked, then sat back up. “Honk, I need you to do me a favour, OK?” Honk nodded. “Don’t let me forget. Sapnap, Quackity, Dream, L’Manberg, all of it— don’t let me forget. I need you to help me remember.”

“ **Okay.** ”

* * *

Something was wrong. Karl could feel it as he put his hand to the armor stand. Something was terribly wrong, and he didn’t know what.

Was it the Egg? He clenched his fist as he withdrew it and the armor stand vanished in a burst of light and particles. No, the blood vines hadn’t spread to the shadow temple… yet. It was only a matter of time, with how many seeds Bad and Antfrost had planted across the SMP. He’d had to jump over and skitter around several of the red vines on his way here, with some of them thicker around than his torso; most of the landmarks had been near-totally overgrown, like Punz’s tower, and he’d even seen hints of red in the crater where L’manberg had once been.

_This is where I keep the Egg,_ a voice echoed in his ears. The murders— the Egg— the sword stabbing him in the back repeatedly— 

“ **Karl?** ”

His shadow grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him back to reality. Karl’s breathing slowed; his chest felt tight from anxiety, but he still put on a warm smile as he greeted his shadow. “Hi, Honk.”

Something was… different, this time. Maybe it was because he’d had to resummon him— he didn’t know _why_ , it’s not like he’d killed his shadow before traveling or something like that, but he hadn’t been able to find Honk anywhere. Karl scanned him for hints of red, just in case, but there was no colour on his shadow at all. Just black and white.

...White?

Karl blinked. Shadows were black and _yellow_. But, Honk’s eyes— the swirl on his hoodie— they were _white._

Karl staggered back. Honk frowned in concern at the look of fear on his summoner’s face; after a moment, he glanced down at his hoodie and then back up at Karl with an inquisitive expression. “ **Karl? What’s wrong?** ”

_This is the Inbetween. A place you have been to a few times now._

“Nothing,” he stammered. He’s a terrible liar. It’s a miracle no one’s seen through his bluffing, so far; things had gotten terribly close at the Masquerade, but it was likely that he simply hadn’t cared. After all, everyone at the ball was going to die anyway, so why did it matter if someone wasn’t able to stitch together a convincing cover story? Either that, or he had passive mind control.

“ **Something’s bothering you,** ” Honk said. “ **Why?** ” He stepped forward. Karl stayed where he was, despite it making more sense for him to back away again. “ **The Egg’s not here. It’s just me and you. It’s safe here.** ”

Karl swallowed. “…I didn’t say anything about the Egg.”

“ **Oh.** ” Honk looked taken aback. “ **Sorry, I thought— After what happened with Quackity—** “

He’s being paranoid. Karl shakes his head in an attempt to bring himself back to his senses. “No, no, no, it’s OK,” he said quickly. “I’m just— I’m a little on edge.” There’s still red flags cropping up, though, and he can’t exactly ignore them. “Weren’t you yellow before?”

“ **Huh?** ” Honk looked down at himself again, this time with a much more critical eye. Even the triangle particles drifting around him were stained white, like all the colour had been drained out of them. Once again, Karl felt his train of thought drift towards the Inbetween: empty white, smooth marble, with even the clashing colours of his hoodie washed out to whites and grays. Had that happened to his shadow, somehow? “ **I… I was.** ”

“Maybe we should ask Kitsune?” Karl put forward, hesitant. He wasn’t fond of talking to the fox shadow, but if something happened to Honk… 

Honk shook his head. “ **No! No, I’m fine.** ” He brushed past Karl and headed out of the shadow temple; Karl followed close behind as the two of them headed in the direction of his library. He’d shown it to Honk, of course, including the portal down below. Honk was supposed to be waiting in the library for him, actually, which made his sudden de-summoning even more confusing and concerning. “ **I feel fine,** ” he reassured Karl as they dodged and weaved around the vines overtaking the road. “ **I’m going to be OK.** ”

Why did Honk sound _different_? The last time they’d talked, he hadn’t been nearly this wordy. His voice sounded the same, but something about the tone bothered Karl. Maybe he _would_ talk to Kitsune about this. **…** Or maybe not. If he could get away with not talking to Fundy's shadow, he would, no matter how helpful it might be. He didn't know what other options he had, though; Honk was worrying him, and he just plain didn't know enough to pinpoint why or what to do.

The hidden room of the library was the same as he’d left it. Honk stared at the poster for the latest Tale as Karl collected his thoughts; the time traveler watched as his shadow leafed through the book detailing the adventure he’d just penned, then broke the extended silence. “I know more about the Egg now,” Karl said, shaky. “And… about myself.”

He didn’t miss the flicker of understanding and recognition in Honk’s expression as he delved into what he’d seen in the Inbetween. He described it from memory the best he could— the wither rose, the books, the birch tree and the swingset (“Two swings— maybe for us? But it looked like the tree room in Mizu…“), the massive castle he’d wandered through until he’d tumbled back out of his portal dazed and confused.

“ **The Inbetween…** “ Honk tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. “ **And… You’ve been there before?** ”

“That’s what the book said.” Karl scuffed his shoe. “I don’t remember… But I don’t remember a lot of things, anymore,” he admitted. “Did I tell you about it?”

“ **No.** ” Honk ran his fingers along the spine of the book titled _The Masquerade_ as he thought. “ **But… it feels familiar. All of this feels familiar.** ”

“I just need to line the pieces up,” Karl mumbled. “Maybe you’re one of the pieces, too. I know you said you’re fine,” he said before Honk could interject, “but one of the things I remember is you were _definitely_ yellow before now. …Maybe.” Hesitancy leaked into his voice. _Was_ he sure? Something had been off about Honk when they’d first spoken, now that he thought about it, but it hadn’t been something he noticed at the time. That’d been when he’d gotten back from traveling, too, and the yellow markings had been… washed out. Less bright and saturated than they were supposed to be. How long had this been happening, and how long had he not noticed? Or maybe Honk _had_ been like this all along, and his memory was failing him again?

Honk changed the topic at the soonest opportunity. “ **You need to move the library,** ” he reminded Karl. “ **You can’t let anyone find it… and you need to keep it safe. What are you going to do?** ”

What _was_ he going to do? Karl blanked. “Uh… I’ll ask James for help,” he said. “James can help me build a new library somewhere people won’t find it.”

“ **James—** “ Honk raised his eyebrows. “ **Karl, James was at the Masquerade. He’s not here.** ”

Karl opened his mouth to retort, but found himself unable to say anything. Who was he thinking of? There’d been… James had reminded him of someone. Karl had gotten attached to him because James reminded him of someone. Who did James remind him of? He knew what he looked like, he remembered getting engaged, but _what was his name_ — 

“SAPNAP!” Karl covered his mouth, eyes wide. _He’d forgotten Sapnap’s name._ This was bad. His memory must be getting worse faster than he thought if he’d managed to forget the name of his own fiancé. “Sapnap,” he repeated, trying to drill the name back into his memory. “I’ll ask Sapnap for help moving the library. Maybe George, too.”

“ **And Quackity,** ” Honk pressed. “ **You need to bring Quackity with you, too.** ”

Karl frowned. “Why do I need to bring Quackity? I’m not making El Rapids 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

Honk grabbed Karl by the shoulders and shook him. “ **He’s your** **_other_ ** **fiancé,** ” he said, voice urgent. “ **Karl,** **_remember!_ ** **Don’t forget! You told me to help you remember!** ”

_Don’t forget who you are. Don’t forget yourself. Don’t forget_

Karl sank to his knees.

* * *

The Egg had overgrown the library. Karl felt sick to his stomach as he saw the blood-red vines coil over Party Island and into his sanctuary; it hadn’t made it down into the portal room, but it had gotten close. The books were safe, thanks to the Inbetween’s warning, but it was a horribly close call.

The holes in his memory were getting worse. He wasn’t even able to date his diary correctly; he had no idea what day it was, or how long it had been between travels, and the thought filled him with ice-cold fear. How could he keep doing this? He knew he didn’t have a choice, and he knew the Inbetween was his only hope of salvaging what was left of himself, but would he ever get his memories _back_ or was he just saving himself from further degradation?

He has someone on his side looking out for him, despite all of that. Even when things are this dire, there’s still someone that’s got his back.

Karl couldn’t deny that Honk was downright _uncanny_ now, though. His shadow clearly knew more than he was letting on; he appreciated him patching the gaps in Karl’s shoddy memory, but… had he even told Honk some of these things? How much did he know about him? It felt like his shadow knew more than he himself did.

…He needed to fix this, fast, before he grew even more distrusting of his closest friends. He was growing more and more isolated, despite his best attempts, but— It was hard to connect with people when he could hardly remember their names or faces without being told.

“ **I know you don’t want to lose your friends,** ” Honk said, voice steady. His words cut through the fog surrounding Karl, and the time traveler blinked like he was coming out of a trance to see his shadow crouched in front of him with his hands on his shoulders. The shining white of Honk’s eyes were in stark contrast to the deep black making up the rest of him, and Karl fixated on the colour as the memories of the castle— of the crowd of himself— of the warnings— seared into his mind. “ **I don’t want you to, either.** ”

…Why were those words familiar?

“ **But you have to keep traveling,** ” Honk continued. “ **You need to preserve the tales you see. There’s more to life than just tragedy, and not everything has to end in misery. You can’t give up, Karl. The timeline needs you, and so does the SMP.** ”

Something in Karl broke. “ _Why?!_ ” he blurted out. “I know there’s a chance for a brighter future, but why do I have to hide?! I should be able to tell Sapnap and Quackity at _least_!”

“ **You can’t!** ” His shadow shook him by the shoulders. “ **This is on** **_your_ ** **shoulders, not theirs. The Inbetween chose you, and it—** “ Honk scrunched his face up and withdrew into his oversized hoodie. “ **It’s not trying to hurt you. It’s looking out for you.** ”

“And how do you know all this?” Karl snapped. Honk recoiled. Karl wasn’t the type to lose his temper, but the good mood from the good ending could only carry him so far. “Honk, I need you to be straight with me. _How much do you know?_ ”

Honk chewed on his bottom lip and held his arms close to his chest. “… **More than I’m supposed to,** ” he said after an extended silence. “ **More than I should.** ” Karl frowned at the cryptic answer. “ **You need someone to guide you in** **_this_ ** **world, too. I’m not you, I never** **_was_ ** **you like you thought, but I—** “ He folded up like a steel chair. Karl rested his hands on his shadow’s knees as he struggled for words.

“ **Someone needs to guide you,** ” he repeated. “ **Someone needs to pick up the pieces you lose. The Inbetween doesn’t mean to harm you, but you’re losing yourself anyway. So I…** “ Honk trailed off.

“… _You_ wrote the books?” Honk’s speaking patterns were familiar, now that he thought about it. Honk shook his head. “Then— What do you mean, then?”

“ **The Inbetween is alive,** ” Honk said, and Karl remembered the words on the page as Honk said them aloud: “ **It is alive similar to you and me, constantly changing and growing and adapting.** ” Then, just as sudden, he went off-script. “ **All the pieces you lost, all the memories taken from you— the Inbetween is trying to preserve them. You’re going to keep losing your mind, losing yourself, but they’re not gone forever. The Inbetween is a library of its own.** ”

Karl shook his head. “You’re not making any sense,” he protested. “I don’t understand!”

“ **Who were you dating before Sapnap and Quackity?** ” Honk asked. The question was abrupt, and Karl fumbled with it as he was caught off guard. What kind of question was that? He’d been dating… He’d been… 

Who was it? He could remember the vaguest of faces. They were… taller than him? They were someone important, not just to him but to the SMP as a whole. Their relationship had gone south after he did _something_. Karl grasped at the tiniest shreds of information his brain provided, but none of it lined up into a full image. “Um—“

Honk’s expression was unreadable. “ **Who did you side with in the war?** ”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Karl said without hesitation. “I’ve always been pro-L’Manberg. Never anything else.” The details of it were vague, but… 

Honk shook his head, looking unconvinced. “ ** _I_ ** **remember,** ” he said, voice soft. “ **The more you travel, the more you lose… and the more** **_I_ ** **remember.** “ He rapped the side of his head. “ **The Inbetween is a library, and it… it’s giving what you lost to** **_me_** **.** “

Karl’s heart skipped a beat. The meaning of the entire conversation slammed into him like a hammer to the skull; he braced himself against the wall as he tried to steady himself while his shadow remained balled up on the ground. “But you said you haven’t been to the Inbetween?” he managed, voice shaky.

Again, Honk shook his head. “ **It’s a part of you,** ” he said. “ **It’s a part of** **_me_** **. Or— or** **_I’m_ ** **part of** **_it_** **, I don’t know. I was never your reflection like you thought, but the Inbetween doesn’t care about that distinction.** ” He got to his feet, posture unsteady, then stepped toward Karl. “ **The memories I have— they’re** **_yours_** **. They’re the Inbetween’s. I don’t remember the tale beyond what you wrote down, but I remember what you saw in the Inbetween— but not through** **_your_ ** **eyes. It’s alive, and it’s looking out for you, and—** “

He clutched at his head as his words sped up into a frantic ramble. “ **You can’t stop. You have to keep traveling— you don’t have a choice.** **_I_ ** **don’t have a choice. All I can do is help you remember. It’s easy to get lost, it’s easy to lose yourself, but I can help— it** **_wants_ ** **me to help. The Inbetween doesn’t intend to hurt you. The Inbetween wants to keep you safe so you can preserve the tales.** **_The Inbetween wants you to remember._** ”

Karl didn’t know what to say. He settled for prying his shadow’s hands away from his hair where he’d started to pull at it and bringing him into a tight hug that pinned his arms to his side. Honk didn’t struggle against it. His shadow buried his face into the fabric of his multicoloured hoodie and crumpled. “ **It’s easy to lose yourself,** ” he repeated. “ **I know you don’t want to lose your friends, I don’t want you to either. But I’ll be here to keep your memories safe. I can guide you when you can’t guide yourself.** ”

He exhaled hard. Exhaustion crept into his words, weighing them down, and for the first time in the entire conversation he sounded more like Karl than he did the books in the Inbetween. “ **It was better when I was a normal shadow,** ” he complained. “ **Now I’m possessed by a castle.** ”

Karl couldn’t help it— he started laughing. After a moment, Honk started laughing too. “This is so weird,” Karl managed through giggles. “This is— this is really serious stuff, but it’s also really, really weird.”

“ **Yeah.** ” Honk managed to collect himself. “ **I don’t know when you’re going to travel next, and you don’t either… What are we going to do?** ”

First things first. Karl had a plan. “We need to finish moving the library,” he reminded Honk. “I’m going to meet up with Sapnap, George, and Bad later. And— and we need a flag for our new nation. And a name. And… then I guess we’ll just see what happens?”

Honk hummed in affirmation. Karl let go of the awkward embrace. “We’ll figure this out together, one tale at a time,” he told his shadow. “The more I explore the Inbetween, the more I learn… maybe it’ll help you, too.”

“ **Maybe.** ” Honk’s smile was thin, but there was a spark of hope in his eyes. “ **And, Karl— if you forget who you are… I’ll remember for you.** ”

**Author's Note:**

> after posting this, i ended up doing some artwork!:  
> https://autisticlalna.tumblr.com/post/643482862062092288/  
> so uh, that's roughly what honk looks like throughout the story. and also my karl design.
> 
> im planning to write more fics in this series, although im not sure when thatll be because i end up taking on several projects at once fhxkgjhjgf
> 
> thanks for reading!!


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